Heaven is “too crowded” for us right now.
I have never felt so low,
well i have but not this type of low.
It’s that feeling where you can’t be bothered with anything, or even bother to get up in the morning and all i seem to think about at the moment is the future.
Whether or not i have chosen the right subject to do in school, i mean.. where the hell is art going to take me in life, nothing seems to be going right with art anyway, the teacher never gives me higher than a bloody B… but im not even sure whether or not i want to be an artist, or a writer or heck mabey i will make it as a grammy winning actress haha, who am i kidding right?
i bet you in the next five years you will meet me in McDonalds and i will be asking you whether or not you want fries with your meal. Jesus, thats so depressing, …do you think i would get free food if i worked there though? haha.
Anywho, i’m not sure what to do with my life, im bucking it for when these GCSE’s come along, not only because of the lecturing experience but because i have this picture of me walking into school on the day that we get our results, opening that envelope and finding that i only have grades that would get me into working in a freaking brothel. It would be like living in a real life enviroment of ‘Shameless’, then again the entertainment and humour wouldn’t be hard to find.
I also keep thinking about all those lucky fuckers in life that didnt even have to do their exams but yet they have made a great success that people would die for, take freaking N-Dubz for instance, i know many people may not like them, but Fazer and Tulisa dropped out of school and Dappy only got an A in English but yet did he need that A for anything? Na, cause he is too busy freaking travelling the world and telling people to ’Na Na Nii’ which i have no idea what it means by the way, wait i think it means hello and bye, since they say it at the beginning and end of every song :S i will have to google that. Also Chipmunk, another UK talent :) he did his GCSE’s AND his A levels and he got straight A’s in all of them (the clever cunt) he even quoted in his song “Chip Diddy Chip” that he “ain’t stupid, you can count my A’s” like he will even need them now anyway, he had been collaborating with recent artists like Esmee Denters, Daisy Dares You, and again N-Dubz (just to bring them up again for all the haters out there) he has the life right now, and i guess he could be thinking differently, apparantly he had a major ‘low’ time as well as he never thought his career would have took off so quickly and he became pressured under fame and also became suicidal, either way people have bad times i guess, but i bet fans are glad that he made a quick recovery :)
Sorry about this rant that i’m having, i just need to let off a little steam and clear my head of all these thoughts that are caught up in there. Life is weird though right? i mean, what is life about? see… these are the depressive questions that people ask. It’s like that episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond” were his daughter asks him why people are on the earth and why are they living, of course he says people are here because heaven is ‘too crowded’ god, that was a great episode haha. I’m trying to think of those things that make me smile though, that will help me through all the tough times :) Glee is back on soon (19th April :):)) That makes me happy as well as music by Paolo Nutini and Marina and the Diamonds, god she is amazing :)
Anyway, i need to head cause it’s kinda half twelve :/ and i need to get up fairly early in the morning :( Goodnight or Morning :) either way enjoy life, cause im starting to think there is no point spending it dreading the future as you never know when you will leave for the ‘crowded heaven’ haha.
Jess xoxo
